Only the Best

Professionally & personally, I belong to a number of groups, organizations, and committees. Dutifully, I darn near run myself backward, forward, and sideways to make each and every meeting that goes with them. In my profession, a teacher, I participate in much discourse regarding children and what is best for them. Through my years, I have spoken with, been hugged by, yelled at, trained with, been complained about, been thrown out of meetings by, and have also received thank you letters from parents. Parents simply concerned for the education, welfare, happiness of their child. Parents much like yourselves, I’m sure. 

As a teacher and parent, I am on the front lines with children every day of my life and also work closely with my own daughter’s school, specifically in regards to her disability, anaphylaxis. Even at church, I teach Sunday School and am in charge of the happenings, events, and curriculum there. And I’m exhausted, too.  But - I am no more exhausted, worried, worn out, troubled, or in need of wanting the best for my child than any one of you. As it turns out, we all want the very best for our children. We may not all agree how it applies, how to get there, or just what is the very best, but the common denominator is that all parents, no matter how we go about it, want the best. We may not have the means, wherewithal, or know how, and getting there may seem half the battle, but our children mean more to us than anything, no matter your child’s need. 

Something I try to remember when speaking with parents.

Our children run the gamut in differences. In one classroom where I teach you will find students with specific labels – learning disabilities, emotional impairments, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or attention deficit disorder, or even cognitive impairments. Don’t forget though, the students with autism spectrum disorder, anywhere from low functioning to high functioning, or Asperger’s syndrome. As a special education teacher my responsibility is to advocate for children with special needs, something I take on with vigor in each of those committees aforementioned. In fact, it is often one of the main responsibilities in that capacity – to represent special needs, specifically at times, to be the voice of the child. Something I take very seriously. 

What is interesting, though, is that the children in the classroom, probably your child’s classroom too, the ones with the labels, are not the only ones we should be concerned about; the rest of the bunch are far from “normal.” The rest of the children, at the very least, maybe rushed out of the house without breakfast that morning because mom or dad were late for work, or maybe because they are at dad’s house this week instead of mom’s. Or, their homework isn’t complete because nobody was home to help them because parents work nights. There could also be a lot of stress in the home due to losing their house or living with grandparents. Academic concerns for those kids that don’t receive services are often hidden behind poor behavior, incomplete work, or just poor grades. There are other simple truths we may not consider, or sometimes just forget – mom is having surgery & it is weighing heavily on their minds, divorce, new babies, sick grandparents, moving. Maddy went through most of kindergarten with Jason in chemotherapy. I’ll never know the truth of that year on her heart, but I do know that if she were older it would have come out in behaviors, academic issues, or worse; lucky for me and my village. 

Imagine life with labels like these!

Then there are kids like my own baby girl, a population of kids coming through our schools increasing at alarming rates – children with food allergies & anaphylaxis. Scientists estimate that as many as 15 million Americans suffer from food allergies, according to the Food Allergy& Anaphylaxis Network.  A study published by the National Center for Health Statistics division of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that one out of every 25 children has a food allergy, representing about a 20% increase between 1997 and 2007. Those are crazy statistics!

If our children actually wore a label, a great big tag, through the hall or, for us parents of children with food allergy, when they walk into a restaurant, life may be more simple for us to identify and help immediately rather than try to piece issues together like a puzzle. Especially if when all people read that label, ‘Going through a Divorce,’ they had some empathy, and took action, took a little more time with the child, understood the chip on his shoulder that day might be related to the fact that he is exhausted and overwhelmed by the stresses in his life. Or maybe when a person reads ‘Can’t Afford 3 Meals,’ they would offer a hand, an apple, a granola bar, and that would allow a child to concentrate more, improve behavior, or simply make a phone call home to provide the application for the services needed. Obviously, I wouldn't want our children labeled for real, because our children, our babies, are more than a tag or a sticker. As parents, we must consider the whole child, that's our job, our charge is to educate, advocate, and risk putting ourselves out there, being "that parent" for them in order to get them what they need.

Fortunately, I have the opportunity to meet with and speak with parents regularly. It is an opportunity for me to learn the ins and outs of a child’s family and life and to learn more about how to help a student. Whether the parent is frustrated or happy with what is happening in the classroom, my role is to listen, problem-solve if necessary, and allow them the space and time to discuss their child’s needs. As their case manager I am to advocate and be sure their child’s requirements are met appropriately and effectively. I am not to judge them or fight them. It is Me with Them not Me vs. Them. 

One of the lessons learned for me as Jason has recovered from cancer is that everyone has a story. It is impossible to look at a person or a family and know what goes on behind the scenes; there is a certain level of privacy every one holds true publicly. Unless we’d told you our situation or you were ‘there’ when our cancer story started, most people would not know the ins & outs. Why would you – he looks healthy, is healthy really, and it’s not generally a part of the obligatory handshake ritual – “Hey, how ‘ya doing? I’m Jason, cancer survivor.” In fact, he doesn’t really like talking about it all. It’s me that talks about it; I think it’s become a part of my writing therapy! And, of course as people ask, and we tell. 

Everyone’s story, though adds to them to who they are as individuals or families. Adds to their day, their lives. Children deal with a lot. Adults deal with a lot. It comes out in the way they work, or don’t work with their children. Regardless of all of this, whether we agree with each other, whether we like the way the other person does it or not – we each want what is best for our own children. Those adults that have to work nights probably didn’t strive to work a night shift, these are the cards they’ve been dealt. Nobody hopes their older child will have to babysit their younger children while work, it just happens that way. Few parents wish for surgery the same day as a big math test or conferences, it’s just the way it worked out. No parent planned to give birth to a child with a learning disability, autism, ADHD, or any other disability – but they will do anything for their child to help them, aid them, and allow them success in this world, make their world bigger, brighter, and just a little bit greater. Just as how I feel as a parent with a child with food allergy, no matter if I am considered “that parent” by every teacher from here on out in her school career. I will do what it takes to educate, advocate & make you understand what makes my daughter tick, just as I’d expect from you if you were my students’ parents.

Much of this, however, comes with a lot of argument in the food allergy world. There has always been some dialogue and contention, in food allergy about OIT, specifically peanut desensitization.  The support group of women & men that visit Dr. Mayer’s office, of course firmly believe in OIT and the research behind it. There are people, though that believe in avoidance of the allergen entirely, which would mean desensitization, or OIT, is out of the question. There are doctors that support abstaining from OIT, just as doctors that support it. Much like anything, honestly, it is possible to find research and data for what you need. In my initial research, I found articles for both, I was swayed to both sides, my heart found reasons each way. Ultimately, I was able to look objectively, consider the pros and cons (Every Mommy Has Her Moment) because, as I said, my family had to make a decision based on what we wanted for Madeline. I’m not saying that either decision is better or worse, because we decided for our child, with her in on the discussion. We all have our story – medical history, family history, commitment, and education, all tie in to that belief system and finally your decision. 

Dose goes down with no probs!

Thankfully, our story is still being written with peanut desensitization and Maddy finally reached the end of the dosing schedule that she would have finished the very first day of Rush Day had she been able to continue without any symptoms, Solution D, six ml. She had no issues or concerns in the least, again making us feel grateful that we’ve been able to complete this part of the program so far with no concerns. Two weeks of Solution E and it is on to peanut flour; we can feel that whole peanut just creeping up on us! Every day we feel safer as she passes to the next level and speaks about what she will eat when she graduates, what she might try, but more than anything how she feels knowing this is working! Every day we feel we made the right decision for our family to try something that gives us and her hope to make her world less dangerous, bigger, and a brighter place to live in! And so does Maddy!